Wednesday, June 16, 2021

The 13 horniest TV moments of 2020

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You don’t need us to tell you that 2020 was horny as heck. We spent months inside without human contact. Even when we ventured out, sex required immense caution and kissing might as well have been illegal. And because humanity has always been depraved, all these things just made us hornier.

TV did not help.

Without our usual outlets of dating, hookups, or even handshakes, every minor instance of physical touch on TV became unimaginably erotic. Obviously none of these shows were created with awareness of the world they’d be dropped into, but it really dialed up the stakes as we watched breathlessly from our couches. 

Was TV exceptionally horny this year, or were we? Instead of an answer, let’s make a list. Here are the 13 horniest TV moments of 2020.

1. The gaze, Normal People

Connell (Paul Mescal) and Marianne (Daisy Edgar-Jones) nearly killed us on

Connell (Paul Mescal) and Marianne (Daisy Edgar-Jones) nearly killed us on “Normal People.”

Image: enda bowe / Hulu

Spring TV’s most egregious personal attack had to be Hulu’s Normal People, based on the novel by Sally Rooney about two people who circle each other sexually and romantically for the better part of a decade.

Where other shows thrive at hot and heavy, Normal People’s sex scenes were truly intimate, using soft cinematography and spare sound to drive us entirely crazy.

The best part of this was that they actually explored different kinds of physical intimacy, and dealt with the awkwardness of miscommunicating both in bed and outside of it. In one episode, Connell slides his hand beneath the covers to pleasure Marianne, and then watches in quiet awe as she responds to his touch. In a scene where only one person is sexually stimulated, the other still clearly experiences a rush of adrenaline and emotion as he sees their connection laid bare on her face. -Proma Khosla, Entertainment Reporter

Where to watch: Hulu

2. Barista training, Love, Victor

Love, Victor’s underrated teen romance had plenty of age appropriate steaminess between any number of its characters and it reached peak horny in a scene so indicative of the show’s understanding of hormonal imaginations they used it as the sneak peek for what to expect in Season 1. This scene, of course, is the Barista Tutorial. In it, Victor’s love interest Benji teaches him how to make a cappuccino, a lesson Victor’s closeted brain transforms into a slow-mo, R&B scored sequence of pure desire.

Victor can barely respond. He’s so focused on Benji’s damp lips and flexing biceps that it takes hot steamed milk exploding over them both (eyyy) to break the spell. -Alexis Nedd, Senior Entertainment Reporter

Where to watch: Hulu

3. Cake, Insecure

We know exactly what you two are giggling about.

We know exactly what you two are giggling about.

Image: hbo

Insecure Season 4 is primarily about Issa (Issa Rae) and Molly’s (Yvonne Orji) deteriorating friendship, but Molly and Andrew’s (Alexander Hodge) relationship is still at the forefront.

As they get ready to leave a restaurant, Andrew turns the flirt on and brings up “that cake I’m gonna have later.” Cut to Molly biting her bedsheets (not that it keeps her quiet) and an ass slap I still can hear echoing through space and time. -P.K.

Where to watch: HBO

4. Absolutely all of the kinky shit in Too Hot To Handle 

Francesca and Harry of 'Too Hot To Handle' doing a uh...

Francesca and Harry of ‘Too Hot To Handle’ doing a uh… “bonding” exercise.

(Turns out, a televised experiment in celibacy feels very 2000s reality, and not in a fun Survivor way.)  

That said, I must also admit: the kinky stuff with the light-up watches, revenge shower makeouts, and always watching AI assistant Lana? P hot. The true height of trashy TV in 2020, Too Hot To Handle dares to ask its audience to withstand a truly exhausting melodrama in the hopes of seeing its contrived premise end in a boink. And end in a boink it does, reader. End in a boink it does. -Alison Foreman, Entertainment Reporter

Where to watch: Netflix

5. A peach, The Great

According to Peter (Nicholas Hoult), Leo (Sebastian D'Souza, above) is well-endowed and sterile, an ideal lover.

According to Peter (Nicholas Hoult), Leo (Sebastian D’Souza, above) is well-endowed and sterile, an ideal lover.

Catherine hates the idea initially, but finds herself charmed by Leo’s kindness and intellect — qualities Peter (Nicholas Hoult) praised highly, along with certain other…assets.

Leo becomes Catherine’s lover, friend, confidante, and eventually the actual recipient of her love — but it all started with a peach. In an overt attempt to win her over, he offers up this peach. “When you eat it, you should put it into your mouth, bite it once, tip your head back, and let the juice run into your throat,” he says. It’s a completely benign exchange, especially when you consider all they’ll go on to do, but that’s what captures Catherine’s interest. Leo seduces her with sweetness both literal and figurative and their love begins at that very moment. -P.K.

Where to watch: Hulu

6. The possibility of Camille, Emily in Paris

Emily in Paris is a very silly show about very silly people, none sillier than the small army of French men who trip over themselves for our unfathomably mediocre protagonist (Lily Collins). Yet no matter how many times Mindy (Ashley Park) emphasizes to Emily that French men only want sex (kind of stereotypical, Min, don’t you think?), all of these men want to literally date and love her.

The question? Not whether they want to run away to Versailles together or have that inevitable threesome with Gabriel (Lucas Bravo), so it doesn’t matter what it was. What matters is that this could still happen — but knowing Emily’s basic ass, we won’t hold our breath. -P.K.

Where to watch: Netflix

7. Oscar dreams, Hollywood

And the award for Horniest Scene in

And the award for Horniest Scene in “Hollywood” goes to…

Image: screenshot / netflix

Oh, Hollywood.

Nearly every character spends their days dreaming about having power of the star variety or otherwise, while their nights are spent crawling all over each other like a pack of meticulously-coiffed alley cats. Perhaps the scene that best captures both of these desires is the moment when Jack (David Corenswet) continues his sex work side gig with client Avis (Patti Lupone) after learning her husband is a titan of the film industry and gives her the business while staring longingly at the array of Academy Awards displayed over her head. Their dual desires for sex and acclaim are clear as day, and the show refuses to judge either of them for it. -A.N.

Where to watch: Netflix

8. Ruby breaks free, Lovecraft Country

Ruby (Wunmi Mosaku) finds herself in a truly unique sexual situation.

Ruby (Wunmi Mosaku) finds herself in a truly unique sexual situation.

Ruby’s unfortunate allegiance to Christina is couched in her desire for access to the privilege her body-swap potion bestows, and that desire emerges in the fury and anguish present when Ruby intentionally transforms from her white alter ego to her own self mid-orgasm. Ruby literally explodes from her false form, drenching William in the viscera of the potion’s violent aftereffects and can hardly catch her breath beneath him as they bind themselves together in lust and misguided… everything. -A.N.

Where to watch: HBO Max

9. Cabin makeout, The Flight Attendant

Before she wakes up next to his corpse, Cassie (Kaley Cuoco) has an exhilarating night with Alex (Michael Huisman), better known to her fellow flight attendants as 3C. But before the stunning gold dress, the infinity pool, and the hotel suite, and all that blood… there was the first class cabin where it all started — where a little eye-fucking in the aisle led them to make out in a bathroom at 30,000 feet. Damn, R.I.P. Alex. -P.K.

Where to watch: HBO Max

10. The master bedroom, Bly Manor

Dani (Victoria Pedretti) and Jamie (Amelia Eve) may have been the grand, sweeping love story of Bly Manor, but they were not its horniest residents, dead or alive.

Mrs. Grose (T’Nia Miller) hints at the relationship’s toxic elements, but the show mostly depicts a sexy fantasy cut short by the lady in the lake, like everything else.

At the peak of their passion, Rebecca and Peter have amazing physical chemistry. They kiss with the urgency of two people who know they’re about to be hunted by a murderous ghost who doesn’t know her own name, and they steal away to make out and make love at every opportunity. The best by far is in the otherwise very creepy master bedroom in the forbidden wing, where they are undoubtedly being watched by generations of racist ghosts. Beneath its coverings, the room boasts the kind of obvious wealth that both Rebecca and Peter deeply desire. She takes off her blouse and dons an extravagant fur, and things are just heating up when Mrs. Grose arrives to shut it down. -P.K.

Where to watch: Netflix

11. The fantasy of Paxton, Never Have I Ever

Mindy Kaling and Lang Fisher’s Never Have I Ever wore its horniness on its sleeve from the very first trailer. There’s nothing revolutionary about sexually frustrated teenagers, but Devi (Maitreyi Ramakrishnan) made waves as the first openly horny South Asian teen on mainstream television — not to mention that she was foulmouthed, grieving, and a bit of a dick. 

Devi views her crush Paxton (Darren Barnet) through what we might call a porno lens; he first appears on the show while exiting a pool in slow-motion, and later in the pilot Devi asks him to have sex with her, no strings attached.

He calls her as beautiful as Priyanka Chopra with the incisive intellect of Ruth Bader Ginsberg. 

Sorry, I retract that “porno lens” thing. This is porn. -P.K.

Where to watch: Netflix

12. The constant sexual tension on Run

Excuse me? Put this look away, there are children on the train!

Excuse me? Put this look away, there are children on the train!

Image: hbo

Even if the show fizzled out by season’s end, Run made an absolute meal of the sexual tension between Ruby (Merritt Weaver) and Billy (Domhnall Gleeson).

When they first meet up, Ruby is so overcome by a minor interaction, by the light roleplay of pretending not to know each other, that she quickly excuses herself to masturbate in a train bathroom. Message received! -P.K.

Where to watch: HBO

13. John’s first party, Brave New World

Peacock’s supremely horny original was canceled after one season, but you can still watch it online. Characters in the show’s futuristic society don’t believe in emotions or monogamy; they have sex at random and are actually admonished for forming attachment to any one partner. 

In episode 5, Bernard (Harry Lloyd) takes John the Savage (Alden Ehrenreich) to a lavish party, where he is at once summoned by the host Helm (Hannah John-Kamen), who by her own proclamation wants to fuck. But since the “savages” require more emotional connection (“It’s a deficiency,” Bernard says sympathetically), John tells Helm a story so they can flirt for a while. As he piques her interest and desire, the party downstairs transitions — as they all do — into an orgy, with great circles of guests pulsating and sighing together in various states of undress while Helm and John climax.

-P.K.

Where to watch: Peacock

WATCH: What to binge on the best 30-day free trials

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Astım Tedavisinde Ailelerin Kortizon Korkusu

Baharın gelmesiyle birlikte parfüm kullanımında artış görülüyor. Ancak astım hastalarının dikkatli olmalarında fayda var; çünkü parfümlerin çoğu güvenli...

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